Topman Fashion = Lolz

All my Christmas shopping is done. It was easy. Don’t look at me like that.

All apart from Mr Candy’s. I have been looking for places to buy some nice, good quality, not-too-bright jumpers for him. (Profile: he’s a simple dresser – he prefers Muji or GAP clothes, and is very protective over his socks and underpants, even the ones with holes in them).

The GAP UK site is a pile of pants, so I decided to look at Top Man. What I found on there damaged my eyes forever.

So I was specifically looking for jumpers & knitted wear (I love men in Cardigans but it would be a bridge to far for the Mr). This was what I found….

1. The Administrative Assistant Look

Yes the pussy bow tie is cute….on a WOMAN. Who works as a secretary. Is this supposed to be the metrosexuals way of wearing a tie?

Grey Scoop Tie Neck Jumper - Premium Knitwear - Mens Cardigans & Jumpers - TOPMAN.jpg

2. The 14 Year old Emo Girl Look

We’ll ignore the hideous neckline and instead look at the general hideosity of this jumper. A grown man is supposed to wear this? Even Russell Brand couldn’t pull this one off.

This is one of those jumpers that started life as your Nan’s tea cosy but she decided to extend it and make it into a top for you instead.

THE YOUTH FIRM BROLLIES JUMPER - Jumpers - Mens Cardigans & Jumpers - TOPMAN.jpg

3. The ‘I had to borrow this from my sister the rest of my clothes was in the wash’ look.

I like this cardigan! For me that is.

Deep V neck = Good for big boobs.

But on your boyfriend….I am sure some could carry it off *snigger*

UPPER CRICKET CARDIGAN - Cardigans - Mens Cardigans & Jumpers - TOPMAN.jpg

4. Belted + Yellow = Why?

Erm. Its a bit bright. Its belted. I can’t help but think this will appeal to about 0.01% of men, the majority greasy haired fashion students.

Mjolk Knitted Jacket - Chunky Knit Cardigans & Jumpers - Mens Cardigans & Jumpers - TOPMAN.jpg


Yes, ok, fashion is an individual thing and if you rock these clothes, good for you.

I just haven’t shopped for the Mr for a long time and was not ready for these somewhat garish, unwearable pieces, and they aren’t even cheap!

What’s your opinion? Would you be happy if your date turned up in a knitted umbrella pattered jumper?

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  1. says

    Can I laugh? Like can I just laugh out loudly? LoL! Sorry for those designers but I couldn’t hold it anymore. They just look damn hilarious!!!! (or is it because of the models?)

  2. tigerslovepepper says

    OMG! An umbrella pattered jumper… Directly from the 80’s? It reminds me of the imbarassing reindeer jumper that Mark Darcy wore at the Christmas party in “Bridget Jones’s diary”. O_o

  3. Jo says

    I would laugh! And wonder did he steal it off his dad or something.

    Can I suggest Uniqlo? Some of the Jil Sander for Uniqlo pieces are on sale on the website now, and I find their sweaters very warm :)

  4. MandyP says

    #2 is more like the “I was second choice to play Eli in ‘Let The Right One In'” sweater. It takes a special man to pull off the whole ‘prepubescent vampire eunuch’ look.

  5. says

    I’m actually going to have nightmares thinking of Mr MW in that first top, swanning about on Christmas day…. and the guy in the yellow cardigan? He knows he looks like a twat. You can see it in his eyes. He’s going to sack his agent.

  6. acelira says

    I’m in a fashion school and I doubt any of my classmates would ware any of those tings. Maybe the first one but without the bow. In general this is just wrong.