Since you’ve been gone…

Meanwhile the other half still wants a kitten. I got this in my inbox:

Kitteh! Does anyone know what breed this little one is? It’s so cute…

Anyway I have tips.

The key to getting your other half up to buy a McDonald’s breakfast is:

1. Give him enough time. Even though McDonalds is never to far from anyone’s home, you have to give him at least an hour to wake up and orientate himself, otherwise he’ll sit down and have a quick round on the PS3 and you’ll never see him again. In the UK, McDonalds stops serving breakfasts at 10.30, so you got to wake him at 9.35 LATEST.

2. Wake him gently. Don’t punch him in the back like normal, shake him gently, and say something like, “Good Mornin! Good Mornin!”, in the style of Donkey for Shrek.

3. So he’ll probably moan a bit, like, “Why do you need a breakfast NOW?” or, “I went to sleep late you know?”. Now is not the time to feel guilty, there are hash browns to be eaten.

4. Now is where he will pull a stunt to stay in the warm bed. I find the dog whisperer’s technique works well. Ssssst Ssssst and a poke in the chops.

4. Once he’s out the door, he’ll be alright. Give him a pat on the back as he goes, give him a fiver. Yes, its your treat. Men love double sausage McMuffins, so its a treat for him too…

Note: Only do this if you have a secure relationship (I don’t recommend it on your second date) and a boyfriend with a sense of humour.

I don’t know much about mail order brides, but from the above advert I presume it’s trying to say that if you are a porky ginger, you can still pull a stunner.

Speaking of porky, the New Year’s get fit plan isn’t working. My Stan Smith Addidas trainers have not touched my feet; instead I have bought a deep fat fryer (for Tempura, you understand), and eaten HALF of my supposed year’s supply of Reese’s Butter Cups.

But baby, I’m Chinese. That means I get a second New Year on the 7th of Feb. Yeah! Its perfect really; my first New Year is full of misery and broken promises, but really its just a month to feel remorseful over all the things you didn’t do in the previous year, and by the time 2nd New Year is here, I am truly ready this time, for a fresh start!

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  1. MandyPandy says

    Anonymous beat me to it. It’s a Scottish Fold, but I’m not sure if it’s an officially accepted breed.

  2. Titty says

    You are HILARIOUS. I have read your blog from time to time (hope I’m not creeping you out.) and your little comments made me laugh so hard.

    That Asian bride thing, haha. :) And your Chinese New Year comment!

  3. Lea says

    lol on the mail order bride for porky gingers…you’re too funny!

    are you gonna get the bf a kitten for vday? i like brekkies from micky-dees, thanks for the tip…one day i’ll try that with the engmuff!

  4. Row says

    A. Mouse & Mandy P – Fank you! This kitten is a real cutey.

    Mandy – I have tried Mata Hari! It might actually be a bit better for my tone as Desire is quite blueish *pops it on the list*

    Titty – Why thankyou! Hope u keep liking the blog.*hands you £20*

    Vanessa – Yes it is soooo cute

    Lea – Fanku!The next things for me is the bacon muffin I think. Sausage is far too much, and the pancake is a bit bacon roll it is!!