New Category: Morons of the week

I didn’t want to add this category, I was left with no choice after watching Cheryl I can’t sing Coleenon the X-factor.

This crazy woman walks into the auditions, a gob like the abyss, a cold gaze coming from her eyes. She didn’t want to be a club/party singer anymore. She works for one of the biggest holiday resorts in the UK (insert: Butlins. Went there aged 10, traumatized me for life).

Cheryl Says, “you should take up preachin’ or speechin'”

Preachin’ or Speechin’???? What the hell is Speechin? Note, when on national television, check that you are not talking utter crap.

Olympics closing ceremony is on now – very nice collection of memories, all the glamour and all of the tears.

Matthew Pinset is now looking to London 2012. Aye aye aye. “The thing is, maybe London needs to scale down from here.”

Nice try, Matthew. You don’t get to host an Olympic event that often and there’s no point trying to cover your arse now – we want spectacular!

“The Birds nest cos a lot of money but it was delivered on time and on budget.…”

We have a problem with this in the UK. Delivering on time. Delivering on cost. Mysterious Admin charges. Anyone who has ever had to call a builder in will know that 3 days after work starts, he will approach you, scratching his butt crack, shaking his head going “Well, its gonna take longer than 2 weeks and its going to cost 10 times as much…”. Since there is a hole in your roof you have no choice but to say, “Do it! Just do it!”

*Note – David Beckham is apparently an ambassador for London handover and will appear at the closing ceremony. His balls have dropped it seems, voice not as squeaky as it used to be. He doesn’t even live in England anymore! He lives in La-La land! He’s no representative! He does have a gorgeous suit on though.

Anyway, the budget for the 2012 Olympics is around £9.2 BILLION. Yes BILLION. I can think of better things to spend our BILLIONS, like a decent doctors surgeries.

*Claudia Winkleman is hosting a welcome the Olympics ceremony…with Will Young and McFly. Arrrggghhh! This better not be a sign of things to come.

Horror of Horrors! When its 2012 I will be….oh my god. I won’t reveal my age but it will be old and decrepit.

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