Jonathan Ross, give your wages to the soap stars

…because they can’t dress for sh*t.

The National TV awards are the biggest waste of time, and no I didn’t watch it, I watched the fungal infection on my toe grow instead.  It’s voted for by the public, which is even worse because as has been proved, the public don’t know anything. The type of people who vote for these things are generally old, or very young, lonley and care far too refer to Bruce Forsyth as “Our Bruce”.

Now, the TV ‘stars’ in the UK can’t dress to save their life.  You’d think they’d heard of the word STYLIST.  Step away from the Vicky Martin dress, ladies, this is national television, not a night out at Mecca.

Let the thrashing begin!

It’s Myleene first.  This is just ugly and frumpy. I hope it was from Marks & Spencer, if it is and she had to wear it because of her endorsement deal, then I forgiver her.

Is Danni Minogue even human anymore? Check out the face. It’s had so much botox and check out how wonky her nostril is – too many nose jobs? I hate dresses with all that detail at the front too.

In a Herve, how unimaginative, Rachel Stevens.  I have nothing against her although I think she’s dull and tries really really really hard to be sexy.  There’s some pictures of her floating around of when she was in her early 20s and let me tell you – fake tan and an eyebrow pencil have made all the difference.  Oh, and also her small chi chis are far too flat and low in this dress.

Abigal Clancy! Also unimaginative in a Herve.  She’s the girlfriend of an extremely tall unattractive foodballer called Peter Crouch. She’s also a cocaine sniffing modeland is a scouser – she doesn’t excude any kind of grace, wit or intelligence so why she gets to present a fashion show is beyond me.  WAGS don’t have natural style they just go into an expensive store and say “Give me all yous pra-dah and kucchis”

I recognise this girl, I think she played or plays a character called Mandy in the worst show in the world, Hollyoaks.  I remember thinking she is naturally quite beautiful but this dress is wrong wrong wrong. The straps, the cut – she is defacing my beloved green.

Ok this girl plays Stacey in Eastenders – she’s quite cute although this dress is awful and makes her look like super chunk around the middle.

This girl is in Corrie – I’ve seen her about a few times she’s gigantic and has unusually wide features….nice colour but the top of the dress is hideous! It doesn’t even fit snugly under the bust!

I think this one is from Corrie.  This dress is like J-Lo 2001, yawwwnnnn!I’m sure pub landlords all around the country think that she’s a “stunna” though.

I like this dress actually but I hate Tess Daly more than life itself, so I just can’t say anything good about it.

Don’t know who she is but her face is like the moon.  On second glance I actually think the dress is quite cute but maybe there’s a tad too many ruffles?

Any my best dressed of the night is:

CHERYL COLE! Isn’t she lovely when you can’t see her smug face?  This dress is super cute, I love the bright green around the bottom and I love the grecian one shoulder look.  It’s nice to see Cheryl give up Bay Trading now and again – see ladies?  STYLIST.

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  1. Mrs C. Carmichael says

    I need to ask if the following quote (with reference to ‘scouser’) is relevant?

    Abigal Clancy! Also unimaginative in a Herve. She’s the girlfriend of an extremely tall unattractive foodballer called Peter Crouch. She’s also a cocaine sniffing modeland is a scouser ……

    I probably agree with everything you have stated in your articles, however, you dont seem to call anybody else for where they come from so what is the problem with being a scouser? Its narrow minded and childish as well as discriminative.

  2. Row says

    Hi Mrs Carmichael

    I have to say, this is a mildly childish blog with a silly edge – it is all tongue in cheek humour.

    I’m not sure if you are from Liverpool or not – so if I have offended you there then apolgies. However, I live very close to Liverpool, have Liverpuddlian boss and best friends, not one of them mind being called a scouser or find it offensive. Scouse girls have their sterotypes (not that Abigail Clancy plays up to that – blonde, fake tan, little dresses, slightly dumb, dates footballers, takes drugs, falls out of cabs drunk….) and obviously that doesn’t apply to everyone and just because you dress or behave a certain way, it doesn’t make you a bad person. I didn’t say she was a bad person. I was suggested her roots are hard to escape and reflect in the way she dresses even with money.

    But like I said all tongue in cheek. I have run it though my scouse friends and they don’t remotely see the problem (all women too).

    I hate to use the phrase, Political Correctness gone mad but….

  3. says

    Undeniably believe that which you said. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the net the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get annoyed while people think about worries that they plainly don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks