Complaint Email Time: Cadburys Fruit & No Nut

(For my regulars, they will know I am a bit of a complaint letter pro. I don’t do it just because, I only do it if I feel quite strongly that the HQ should know about poor service/staff. Anyway….)

So, about…oooh, half an hour ago, I got the chocolate craving, so Mr Candy went out to get me a Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut bar for me – alas….there were barely any nuts in mine and about one raisin! In the old days it was like crunch crunch through the nuts.

Being a saddo, I twittered this, and fellow twitterer @zoella told me that Cadbury’s are pretty good with complaints so I rustled this up in 5 mins and have sent it off.

Below is exactly what I sent them. Shall I let you know how they respond?

fruit nut.jpg

Dear Cadburys,

I’m writing this email, not trying to offend,

But I’m eating a Fruit & Nut Bar and its driving me round the bend –

I sent out the Mr, because I needed some nuts,

“How about a Wispa instead?”

I said “No – now move your fat butt.”

Now I’ve eaten almost half whilst watching tv,

But the only nut I’ve found was the size of a pea.

What about the raisins? I need my five a day –

But I can’t see any – I won’t get vitamins this way!

So I hope you can tell me where the nuts have all gone,

The LOT code is L-9-2-3-0-N and B-1


Seamus Heaney should be scared, right?
Was I right to complain?
Will they send round the men in white coats?

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  1. Haha that is genius! Maybe they’ll hire you as Quality Control Manager or Advertising Exec! :)

  2. You’ve been rehearsing this for weeks, haven’t you?

  3. if i were in their complaints department an email like this would totally make my day! 😀

  4. Haha classy rant email if ever I seen one! Would love to see the person’s face reading that in the morning :) keep us posted!xx

  5. Kim – As long as they pay me in Chocolate!

    Vicky – No it took me about ooh 5 minutes. I assure you, it would be a masterpiece if I had weeks to do it 😉

    Blue – Yeah no point sending another moan I thought, may as well make it fun

    Kassandra – I’ll let you know. I wish I got in a ffs tho! Just for you!x

  6. I bet you could do this in your sleep!

  7. cute complaint! I would be charmed if I were them.

  8. dan harker says:

    the other day I bought a kitkat senses.
    when I opened the wrapper it was a normal kitkat
    can you please tell me what happened???

    • Well Dan either:

      1. They put a plain Kit Kat in the wrong wrapper
      2. Your tastebuds are off
      3. Kit Kat Senses is actually rubbish and doesn’t taste of anything

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