I hate Facebook

I’m talking about Facebook.

I wish I could wring the neck of the person that first insisted a year ago that I join. ‘Its the best fing, eva!’ they said.

One year later and I have learnt (or is it learned? anyway):

1. Facebook eats time like vibrators eat batteries…not that I would know. People tell me these things you know, erm, anyway, people rarely actually spend their time COMMUNICATING with each other. They spend all their time getting cyber pets and feeding them, uploading ‘going out’ photos to prove they have a life, playing quizzes – something like -

Q1: From what sitcom do Monica, Phoebe, Rachel, Ross, Chandler and Joey appear?

a. Friends
b. CIS Miami
c. Law and Order

You know, that level of challenge.

So once people have spent their entire evening (or work day for most of them) redecorating their home page, it is covered in squeaky irrelevant add ons and applications. Boring! Even if you only killed an hour a day on Facebook thats 7 hours a week, thats time to do something useful like – I don’t know, hunt rabbits. Anything but buy your boss Indiana Jones Fedora as a gift whilst feeding your pet giraffe sushi and asking all your fifty friends to do so too.

2. Facebook as a networking tool would work, yes. But it isn’t for a lot of people is it? Instead, all the plebs from school that you spend ten years trying to forget about suddenly add you, because they want to add as many friends as possible. They don’t even remember what you look like but they need, they crave double figures where their ‘friend’ list is concerned.

What’s worse than having a friends list full of people you hate? People you are completely indifferent too I guess. My list is/was full of them. I don’t really care what Susana had for breakfast, or if she thinks all men are wan*ers, or if she’s really happy the constipation is over. Because I never really cared about her anyway, but if she’s in my list, that means she’s my friend and I am forced to read about her.

Which reminds me – people become so self absorbed with their profile pages they start to think maybe the ARE important. They are so important that they update their status five times a day.

Carly is……………….bored

Carly is……………….eating breakfast

Carly is……………….upset after arguing with her boyfriend

Carly is……………….feeling better now

Carly is……………….engaged

Carly is……………….no longer engaged

Carly is……………….bored again

Most people have banal lives. So keep your banlity to yourself because NO ONE CARES.

I guess with the exception of about three people, the rest of the friends I had on my list I could take or leave. After all, if someone means enough, you would have kept in touch in the first place, no?

3. The wall, the wall.

A friend’s sister had a birthday recently. Wish her happy birthday! I said to my friend. Her response was, ‘My sister said why didn’t she wish my on my Facebook wall?’

Because once you have a wall, you are supposed to do everything on it – it is all for show. Popular people have lots of messages from their cray-zee friends of course.

The wall is like airing your dirty laundry – don’t ask me why you can’t send a private message. Or why you can’t text or call. Don’t ask me why it has to be in full glare of friends and family – the fact it using the wall is not easier than sending an email.

I guess if people want showy, virtual happy birthdays these days, then thats what they can have, along with their virtual birthday cake, their virtual chocolates from Godiva and the virtual Balenciaga handbag I bought for you. Generous of me, no?

4. Sharing photo albums is a big thing on Facebook. I have to say, it has given me pleasure to go through the albums of others and laugh at how god awful they are. There is a thing called, Photoshop, people. Or more importantly, there is a button on your camera called DELETE. I suggest that when you have a photograph that exposes your rolls of fat spilling over your thong, you press that button. Don’t inflict it on others, and their sore, itchy, hayfever ridden eyes.

Whats even worse if there is a TAG function – so someone else can upload an incriminating photograph of you from 1986 and tag you so that everyone, even your stalker, can identify exactly who you are. Thanks for that.

I only had one photograph of myself on it so it is extremely irritating when other people think they have the right to put a photo of you up. Always the ones of you in a bad pose. Always the ones, where you clearly did not want your photo taken because 85% of your body is turned away from the camera and your hand is reaching up to cover your face, but no, they have to upload it anyway.

Especially when the postee doesn’t even feature in the photo themselves – they just want to show everyone what YOU look like. Hey, if they like to be looked at, why wouldn’t you? Why would you care about a little thing called privacy?

5. You can join but you can’t leave. You can only deactivate your account, which essentially like not leaving at all. If I were to log in tomorrow everything would be as it was today even if I deactivated. How irritating! I think if I can join then I should certainly have the option to get rid of everything on there. More to the point, they still send you updates and news even when you deactivate your account! Unacceptable. There is a great post
about how much trouble someone had to go to in order to leave Facebook. T’was not easy and I don’t think I have the energy to go through it all…

Maybe I should go back and mess up all my data, then deactivate. I resent the fact that they think they are so great that I would need the account again. Hmph!

Well thats another thing to add to the hate list:

Facebook
Customer Service Everywhere
Sprouts
Mother
The injustice of it all
Pregnant women
Hayfever
Bleach on hair